Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
