You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
