but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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