my phone needs a breathalizer
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
