The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
