I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
