Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
