My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
