I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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