We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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