Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
