She is in my trunk
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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