Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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