i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
