I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
