Just cropdusted the office
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
