The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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