You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
This is my gift to your gina
Randomize
