Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
