I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
