so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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