Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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