I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
this hospital has no fireball
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
