If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Sorry about my life...
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