areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
