Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
