just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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