WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
