He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
