That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
