I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
