I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
