so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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