You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Drunk is a universal language darling
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
