if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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