Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
