Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
