and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
