I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize