We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize