You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
