Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
