And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
where does the pee come out of this thing
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We were destined to go to rehab together
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
