Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
