I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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