I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
