Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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