well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
