the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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