Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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