Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
