I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
