I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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