We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
