I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
