You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
