you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
