Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
