Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
