Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
