My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
