You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
