Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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