woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
