Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
babies were throwing up all over the place
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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