I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
