I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
