i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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