No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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