we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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