ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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