Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
