Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
